You Are Allowed to Choose Again

Why a decision you made in the past is not a lifelong contract with your former self.

Throughout our lives, we make countless decisions.

We choose people.

Relationships.

A profession.

A particular path through life.

We develop beliefs, set ourselves goals and create ideas about what our lives should one day look like.

And many of these decisions feel completely right at the moment we make them.

But then something entirely natural happens:

We change.

We have new experiences.

We learn.

We fail.

We love.

We lose.

We begin to recognise connections that we were unable to see before.

And at some point, we may realise:

What I chose back then no longer reflects the person I am today.

Are You Allowed to Change Your Mind?

For many people, this is precisely where an inner conflict begins.

But I chose this.

I made a promise.

I can't suddenly want something different now.

What will other people think of me?

We have learnt to regard consistency as a strength.

And fundamentally, it is something valuable.

Reliability matters.

Loyalty matters.

Responsibility matters.

But consistency and truthfulness are not always the same thing.

What happens when we hold on to something simply so that other people can continue to see us as consistent?

What happens when we remain faithful to a decision we made in the past while becoming increasingly unfaithful to ourselves?

Then we are allowed to ask ourselves an important question:

Am I still here because I truly believe in this – or simply because of habit, fear or a sense of obligation?

What Was Right Then May No Longer Be Right Today

One of the most liberating realisations in life can be understanding this:

A decision does not have to have been wrong then simply because we would make a different choice today.

Perhaps you chose a profession that fulfilled you for many years.

Those years were not wasted simply because you now want to take a different path.

Perhaps there was a relationship that meant a great deal to you for a long time.

That time together does not become worthless simply because something has changed.

Perhaps you once held beliefs that you now see differently.

That does not necessarily mean that you were wrong or ignorant at the time.

Perhaps today you simply have experiences and insights that were not available to you then.

Growth does not mean being unfaithful to your past. Growth means meeting your present with honesty.

You Don't Have to Fight Your Former Self

When we change, we are sometimes tempted to judge the life we used to live.

We say:

How could I have done that?

Why did I put up with it for so long?

Why didn't I realise it sooner?

But perhaps your former self does not need your judgement.

Perhaps it needs your compassion.

It made decisions with the awareness it had at the time.

It tried to guide you through life.

It gathered experiences.

It made mistakes.

And it brought you this far.

You owe your former self nothing except gratitude for the path it travelled.

You do not have to destroy your past in order to begin a new future.

You can honour it.

And still continue on your way.

“You Used to Be Different”

When we begin to change, the people around us often notice very quickly.

Perhaps we hear:

“That wouldn't have suited you in the past.”

“I don't recognise you like this.”

Or:

“You used to be different.”

Yes.

Perhaps you were.

And perhaps that is precisely a sign that you have lived.

A person who has experiences, reflects and encounters themselves deeply is allowed to change.

You are allowed to think differently about something today than you did ten years ago.

You are allowed to discover needs that you did not recognise before.

You are allowed to set boundaries that you were unable to set in the past.

You are allowed to say no, even though you always used to say yes.

And you are allowed to say yes to something you once feared.

You are not obliged to embody an earlier version of yourself forever simply so that other people do not have to adjust to your growth.

Freedom Requires Responsibility

But being allowed to choose again does not mean that our decisions have no consequences.

Freedom does not mean indifference towards other people.

When we change, it can affect those who are connected to us.

That is why self-determination also requires responsibility.

We can choose a new path while still treating the people who walked part of the old path with us respectfully.

We can set a boundary without devaluing another person.

We can change a relationship without denying the past we shared.

We can bring a chapter of our lives to an end and still be grateful for it.

And we can speak our truth without imposing it upon someone else.

Perhaps this is precisely where freedom and love meet.

True freedom does not need an enemy.

You do not have to hate something in order to be allowed to leave it behind.

The Fear of Choosing Again

Sometimes we already know that we would choose differently today.

But we fear the consequences.

What happens afterwards?

Will I disappoint someone?

Will I be alone?

What if my new decision turns out to be wrong?

These questions are human.

But fear is not automatically a sign that a path is wrong.

Sometimes fear simply arises because we are leaving familiar ground.

The new has no history yet.

We do not know how it will unfold.

We know the old.

The new still has to be experienced.

That is why change requires trust.

Not the trust that everything will happen exactly as we would like it to.

But the trust that we will be able to deal with whatever we encounter along our new path.

You Are Allowed to Choose Again

Perhaps there is something in your life that you have felt for a long time:

Today, I would choose differently.

You do not have to change everything immediately.

You do not have to end a relationship today.

You do not have to leave your profession today.

You do not have to make any major decisions today.

But you are allowed to be honest.

Because before our outer life changes, we often first need an inner truth.

Ask yourself:

If I were able to choose again today – knowing everything I have learnt about myself and about life – would I make the same choice?

And then listen to your answer.

Not to the answer other people expect from you.

Not to the answer that causes the least disruption.

Not to the answer of your former self.

But to the answer of the person you are today.

Perhaps the answer is yes.

Then you can consciously choose again something that is already part of your life.

Perhaps the answer is no.

Then a new path may be beginning.

And perhaps the answer is:

I don't know yet.

That, too, is an honest answer.

You do not have to act immediately.

But you are allowed to know what is true within you.

Because every conscious change begins at some point with a quiet moment of honesty.

With the realisation:

I am allowed to choose again.

Not against my past.

Not against other people.

But for what is true for me today.

You are allowed to change.

You are allowed to grow.

You are allowed to change your mind.

You are allowed to make a new decision.

And at the same time, you are allowed to be grateful for everything that has brought you to this point.

Perhaps being true to yourself does not mean remaining the same forever.

Perhaps it means having the courage, again and again, to recognise honestly who you are today.

With warm regards,

Marc Altmann

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