You Are Allowed to Keep the Good
Why we don't have to destroy happiness simply because we are afraid of losing it again.
Sometimes something strange happens in our lives.
For a long time, we wish for things to get better.
We long for peace.
For love.
For security.
For a fulfilling relationship.
For success.
For health.
For a home.
For someone with whom we feel truly comfortable.
Or simply for everything to be calm for a while.
And then it actually happens.
Something becomes good.
Perhaps even very good.
But instead of allowing ourselves to enjoy it fully, a new fear suddenly appears:
How long will this last?
We begin to observe the good.
To examine it.
To question it.
We look for signs that something might be wrong.
And sometimes, by doing so, we create precisely the unrest we were trying to protect ourselves from.
When Peace Suddenly Feels Unfamiliar
Someone who has lived with tension for a long time does not always experience relaxation as pleasant straight away.
At first, this may sound contradictory.
But our inner system becomes accustomed to certain states.
If we have lived for a long time with conflict, uncertainty, worry or emotional tension, a form of inner vigilance can develop.
We constantly expect that something might happen.
We observe our surroundings.
We interpret changes.
We try to anticipate where the next problem might appear.
And when suddenly there is no problem?
Sometimes our mind starts looking for one.
Not because we want to be unhappy.
But because what is familiar can initially feel safer than what is unfamiliar – even when the familiar was exhausting.
If you have lived in the storm for a long time, even stillness can feel unsettling at first.
Perhaps you then have to learn again that calm is not automatically the calm before the next storm.
Sometimes calm is simply calm.
You Don't Have to Turn Peace into a Problem
Perhaps you recognise these moments.
Everything is actually fine.
But your mind begins:
Something must be wrong.
Things are going too well.
This can't possibly last.
Something is bound to happen.
And suddenly, inwardly, you have left the present moment.
You are no longer with the peace that is here now.
You are with a possible problem that does not even exist yet.
Of course, thinking ahead and taking responsibility are part of life.
But there is a difference between responsible foresight and constantly expecting danger.
You do not have to test every happiness for how long it might last.
You do not have to examine every beautiful moment for how it might end.
And you do not have to turn peace into anxiety about when that peace might disappear again.
You are allowed simply to let the good be good.
The Fear of Loss
Behind this unease often lies a very human fear.
Because as soon as we truly love something, we can lose it.
When we allow someone deeply into our heart, we become vulnerable.
When something becomes important to us, losing it can hurt.
When we are happy, we also know that no external situation lasts forever.
And so, sometimes, we try to protect ourselves in advance.
We would rather not become too happy.
We would rather not love too deeply.
We would rather not trust completely.
We keep a little inner distance.
Perhaps, unconsciously, we believe:
If I don't allow myself to become fully involved, it will hurt less later.
But does that really work?
Or do we lose something now, even though it is still here?
You do not protect yourself from loss by leaving joy before it leaves you.
Perhaps this is one of life's most difficult lessons.
We cannot hold on to everything.
But we can decide whether we truly experience what is here now.
Joy Requires Courage
When we think of courage, we usually think of difficult situations.
Decisions.
Change.
Taking the first step.
But joy can require courage too.
Because genuine joy opens our heart.
We allow something to matter to us.
We say:
Yes, this means something to me.
And at the same time, we accept that we cannot control how long it will remain.
Perhaps the ability to allow ourselves to feel joy fully is therefore also a form of trust.
Not the trust that says:
This will never end.
But rather:
I am allowed to love it even though I know that life changes.
That is something entirely different.
You Are Allowed to Be Happy
Some people carry another difficulty within them.
They find it hard to enjoy their own happiness when other people are suffering.
Perhaps someone you love is going through a difficult time.
Perhaps you know someone who is ill.
Perhaps you see suffering in the world.
And suddenly a sense of guilt arises:
Am I really allowed to be happy?
Am I allowed to laugh while someone else is sad?
Am I allowed to enjoy my life when other people are struggling?
Compassion is a beautiful human capacity.
It connects us with one another.
But compassion does not require us to suffer as well.
You do not help a sad person by forbidding yourself every moment of joy.
You do not help someone who is ill by feeling guilty because you are well.
And you do not lessen the suffering in the world by rejecting what is beautiful in your own life.
Your joy does not take anything away from another person.
Perhaps it even gives you strength, love and energy that you can then share with others.
Happiness Is Not Betrayal
Sometimes we even feel guilty towards people who are no longer with us.
We have lost someone.
A relationship has ended.
Someone we loved has died.
A chapter of our life has come to an end.
And eventually something beautiful begins again.
We laugh.
Perhaps we fall in love again.
We enjoy a day.
And suddenly a strange feeling appears:
Am I allowed to do this?
Yes.
Because continuing to live does not mean betraying the past.
New joy does not erase old love.
A new person does not replace another.
A happy moment does not make earlier grief meaningless.
The human heart has an extraordinary capacity to hold both:
Memory and the present.
Grief and joy.
The past and a new beginning.
Perhaps healing is not the moment when we forget.
Perhaps healing is the moment when we are able to live again without having to deny what came before.
You Don't Have to Earn Happiness
In the last newsletter, we spoke about allowing yourself to receive.
About not always having to earn love, support and affection first.
Perhaps the same is true of happiness.
You do not have to be perfect before you are allowed to be happy.
You do not have to have solved all your problems.
You do not have to be spiritually perfected.
You do not have to have resolved every conflict in your life.
You are allowed to have a beautiful day today even though something remains unresolved.
You are allowed to laugh even though you also have worries.
You are allowed to enjoy yourself even though you know that tomorrow may bring another challenge.
Life does not require everything to be perfect before joy is allowed to exist.
If we wait for that, we may wait for a very long time.
Because life is never completely finished.
A Beautiful Moment Does Not Have to Last Forever
We make a curious mistake when we judge the value of a moment by how long it lasts.
A flower does not lose its beauty because it will eventually fade.
A sunset does not become meaningless because the sun disappears a few minutes later.
A holiday was not worthless because eventually we had to return home.
An encounter was not unimportant simply because it did not last a lifetime.
And a love was not automatically wrong simply because one day it came to an end.
A beautiful moment does not have to last forever to be complete.
Perhaps part of our suffering arises because we demand permanence from beautiful things.
But life moves.
People change.
Bodies change.
Seasons change.
Relationships change.
We change.
Impermanence does not take away the value of life.
Perhaps it is precisely what makes us realise how precious a moment can be.
Keeping the Good Does Not Mean Holding On
When we say:
You are allowed to keep the good, it does not mean:
Hold on to it at any cost.
Control it.
Possess it.
Prevent every change.
Because then love would become fear.
Joy would become control.
Closeness would become possession.
Keeping the good means something else.
It means:
Don't push it away while it is here.
Let it reach you.
Experience it.
Appreciate it.
Be grateful for it.
And if one day it changes its form, you will deal with that when the day comes.
You do not have to suffer today because of a loss that may happen sometime in the future.
Life Is Happening Now
Our minds like to travel through time.
They return to the past.
What happened back then?
Why did I do that?
Why did that person say that?
Or they travel into the future.
What will happen?
What could go wrong?
What will I do if…?
But your life is not taking place yesterday or tomorrow.
It is taking place now.
Perhaps someone you love is sitting beside you.
Perhaps the sun is shining.
Perhaps it is raining and you are sitting somewhere warm and sheltered.
Perhaps your dog or cat is sleeping beside you.
Perhaps you are drinking a cup of coffee or tea.
Perhaps you are listening to music.
Perhaps tonight you will look up at the moon or the stars.
Nothing spectacular has to happen.
Perhaps happiness sometimes simply means noticing:
This moment is good.
And not leaving it immediately.
Don't Look for the Catch
Perhaps this can be a small practice for today.
When something is beautiful, notice what your mind does with it.
Can you simply accept a compliment?
Can you enjoy a peaceful day?
Can you experience a loving encounter without immediately analysing what it means?
Can you feel happiness without wondering when it will end?
Perhaps you notice an inner voice searching for the catch.
You do not have to fight that voice.
You can simply notice it.
And perhaps you can answer:
Right now, everything is good. And that is enough.
You Are Allowed to Have This Moment
Perhaps something is beautiful today.
Then let it be beautiful.
Do not search for the problem.
Do not immediately ask how long it will last.
Do not turn your peace into anxiety about its possible loss.
Breathe.
Look.
Notice.
Allow life to reach you for a moment.
Perhaps you do not need to improve anything today.
Understand anything.
Hold on to anything.
Perhaps you are simply allowed to say inwardly:
I am allowed to have this moment.
Not forever.
But now.
You are allowed to feel joy.
You are allowed to experience peace.
You are allowed to love.
You are allowed to be loved.
You are allowed to laugh.
You are allowed to enjoy.
And you are allowed to welcome the good in your life without already fearing its possible end.
Because perhaps happiness is not about holding on to something forever.
Perhaps happiness is about not pushing the good away while it is still with you.
With warm regards,
Marc Altmann
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