The Control Drama of the “Unapproachable”
- Marc Altmann
- Oct 27, 2025
- 2 min read
In the previous blog entry, we explored the control drama of the Interrogator.
He displays behaviour rooted in control. The Unapproachable, like all control dramas, is also driven by control. By withdrawing from others, he repeatedly creates the feeling of drawing energy away from them.
THE POWER OF UNAPPROACHABILITY
These individuals are trapped within their own inner world of unresolved conflicts, fears, and self-doubt. Subconsciously, they believe that if they appear mysterious or somehow above it all, others will come to release them from that position.
Often lonely, they deliberately keep their distance, fearing that an external will might be imposed upon them or that their decisions might be questioned. This is something they frequently experienced with interrogating parental figures in their childhood.
LONELY AND ABANDONED
They believe they must handle everything on their own and rarely ask for help. They insist on a great deal of “personal space” and often avoid making binding commitments.
As children, their desire for independence and recognition of their own identity was frequently denied.
SOLIDARISING WITH THE PAIN
They tend to align themselves with the “Poor Me” and often fail to realise that their own unapproachability is the very reason their wishes remain unfulfilled — whether it be money, love, self-worth, or their feelings of stagnation and confusion.
They frequently perceive their main problems as the absence of things such as money, joy, social connections, or education.
A CONFUSION OF FEELINGS
The spectrum of their behaviour ranges from disinterested and inadequate to unhelpful, condescending, dismissive, resistant, and even covertly manipulative.
Skilled in using distance as a defensive weapon, they tend to cut themselves off from their own energy with justifications such as:“I am different from others.”“No one really understands what I want.”“I am confused.”“I don’t play these games.”“If only I had…”
SEEING PROBLEMS WHERE THERE ARE NONE
While they analyse everything and everyone to death, the best opportunities slip through their fingers. When conflicts or even confrontations appear on the horizon, the Unapproachable becomes noncommittal and quite literally disappears. He hides behind the answering machine or fails to keep appointments. At first, these individuals may seem attractive and intriguing because of their mysterious and reserved manner.
Unapproachable types commonly attract Interrogators, but they may also enter into drama patterns with Intimidators or “Poor Me” types.
Perhaps you recognise this behaviour in yourself or in others. In the next blog entry, we will turn our attention to the “Poor Me.”
In my sessions, people become aware of this control drama as well. They are no longer victims of their behaviour and learn how to live a life filled with joy and genuine connection.
Thank you very much for your interest in my work.
With warm regards,
Marc Altmann
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